I'll trade you one, for two nightmares of mine.

Crazy to think about, crazy thought… but maybe, just maybe… it wasn’t me. Maybe, by some slight possibility, it was you. Maybe take a look back and realize, this is your fault. 

Is that even possible in your head? Or do you just blame me for all of this? Is this all my problem? Are you too bitter to see the truth? You pushed me away in the beginning… you left me there, alone. So I got up and fucking left.

Michael and I have decided to start looking at apartments together. He wants to move in with me… and it’s not like I’m not practically living with him now. It really wouldn’t change much, other than it’s finally just himself and I. I’ve just been getting small anxiety attacks about the whole idea. We’ve been together for seven months now, and by this summer it will be a year… that should be more than enough time for me to get comfortable with someone, and be able to live with them. Maybe it’s not even really Michael that’s my issue, maybe it’s the thought of just giving away my freedom… just like that. Maybe it’s me. Hell, maybe it’s nothing at all. Maybe…

Why am I so nervous? Hmm? Can anyone tell me? 
I’m sick of this anxiety.
I’m sick of my ups and downs.
Even in my happiest days, there’s still somehow a grey cloud over top of me.